Restoration through ? An Affair? ? A Modern Onesimus

I recently read an article by Michael Formica focusing on extramarital affairs.? He discusses four primary types of affairs people in relationships might engage when drawn away from their primary relationship.? The primary relationship would be the marriage relationship between husband and wife.

• The object affair where focus is shifted to something else other than the person in the primary relationship.
• The sexual affair which is a strictly ?hit it and quit it? mentality toward sex and is acted with someone outside the primary relationship.
• The emotional affair which is revolves around abstract fantasy and never has any real physical interaction with the other person.
• The secondary affair which is contains all the expectations and rituals of a primary relationship such as emotion, physical and social interaction, conflict, and a sense of shared values.? The difference is it is conditional on never becoming a primary relationship.

The fourth type of affair, Mr. Formica alleges, may be good for your primary relationship.? It is this type of affair that can reenergize and restore lost passion in your primary relationship while teaching you about your personal needs and expectations.? It is this type affair that can restore your relationship to its former passion and excitement.? Although he does discourage cheating, he stops just short of personal relativism.

Although I applaud Mr. Formica for looking to the positive, he forgets one blaring fact of extramarital affairs.? He forgets the broken relationship left in ruins by sin.? Sure, one person may learn from an affair and become a better person for it.? There?s another person (or in affair ? a couple of other people) who have to deal with not being good enough to commit to fully.? Affairs leave people emotionally and spiritually devastated.

Mr. Formica is asking good questions but comes to an incorrect conclusion in his article.? As a pastor, husband, father, and man I have a role to play in the formation of how my daughters see the world, view men, and look forward to future marital relationships.? How I love, cherish, honor, and respect my wife will set the example they will follow and look toward their entire lives.

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James is the associate pastor of College View Baptist in Mesa and US Army Reserve chaplain committed to helping people become disciples whose worship of Jesus transforms their world. He's a loving husband and devoted father to a wonderful family.

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